Saudade
by CanYouHandleMe441
Summary: Set after the series finale. I haven't actually seen the last episode 'Immortality' (can you believe it?), but I'm doing my best to write this another fanfiction for Vartillows. The title is a brazilian portuguese word, which has no translation to english, it describes how much I miss CSI and this OTP. Possibly rated M stuff in the next chapters...
1. The Encounter

Hey y'all. To whoever eventually ends up reading this fic all I have to say is: I never got over Vartillows, and since I've been through a lot in my love life, it somehow brought me back to CSI and made me see thing differently, that's why I came up with  
this idea.

It just makes me feel better to write about this couple I love so much and it even helps me to find a solution for my problems in real life.

I wish they'd stayed together but, as we know, that didn't really happen, since their paths got implied. So I wanted to give this story a proper ending and hopefully if I accomplish it, maybe I can go on with my life and let this OTP go for real.

Reviews are welcome and so any ideas for the next chapter!

...

It felt so familiar yet kinda strange to be back at her home town. It had been a week since she had gotten back to Vegas. She was so thankful of having people like the CSI family in her life. She got to work with them for a long time and when she felt  
a change was needed she went away and moved to another city. The FBI was great for her but she fought sometimes with the urge to come back, sometimes this will was almost unbearable.

Yet, now there she was, running the department, like she always wanted since the beginning of her career.

She was in her happy place doing what she loved with the most incredible people... even with her daughter, Lindsey, whom was following her steps.

Cath was sitting on the chair behind a large desk in her newest office. She brought her collection of books to put on the shelves, some photographs and plants to put over the table... even the fetus pig Gil gave her years ago was there.

Catherine sat back and felt all this energy. She felt good. She felt true to herself. She felt proud of being able to achieve so many things professionally after all she went through in her life.

She was wearing her brown glasses as her blue eyes sparkled witha glimpse of the early morning sunlight shinning thru the window. The strawberry blonde admired the finished paperwork over the table and a very busy lab on the landscape behind it.  
She felt calm, almost relaxed after her shift. The job made her feel complete... except in her personal life.

Just by the thought of going home alone the smile on her face disappeared. Lindsey had her own condo and only crashed at her mom's house a few times a month. She was a grown up now and Catherine was still getting used to this reality.

Cath took her glasses off and placed it on the table. She rubbed her eyes as she leaned back in her chair, trying to shuffle her negative thoughts. Sighing she got up. She was wearing a low-cut long sleeve black blouse that was perfectly showing her cleavage showing. She managed to dress her white blazer, which was hanging next to her office's door. She reached for her purse and exited the room, slowly closing the door behind her and entering the corridor slamming her high heels  
on the way to the elevator. She grabbed the smartphone inside her purse and unlocked the screen, barely paying attention on the hallway, just minding not to crash into someone. One unread text from Lindsey popped on the screen, which said: ' _Pulling a double_. _See you 2night? XO.'_

Cath smiled at the thought of her daughter getting used to the job. Lindsey was really into it, Catherine could tell how strenuous she was about this job. She then texted back: ' _Sure. See you later, Linds. Love, mom.'_

Catherine soon arrived in front of the elevators and pressed the button to get down, still typing on her phone. The door in front of her opened but before she was able to get in she heard a familiar voice.

"Hey stranger"

She looked up just to see the person who she least expectedin front of her smiling and waiting for an answer.

"Hey!" Cath said abruptly, as soon as she saw Lou's greenish eyes. She felt awkward but there was a certain joy on seeing him again. She knew how they'd left things in the past. And knowing it came from her to end up their 'relationship' she felt bad for turning down on his feelings  
down.

"I heard you were back." Lou spoke, making Catherine forget her thoughts. "Oh, and I've met Lindsey." he continued. "She's got a though personality... that's good for the job."

"She has, yeah..." Catherine was still staring at the man in front of her. He hadn't changed at all. Holding a couple of files with his left arm, wearing one of his suits with a deep blue tie. She loved seeing him like this and she could tell that she had missed this view.

"You going down?" Lou asked, once again shaking her from her thoughts. He used his right arm to prevent the elevator's door from closing, he was trying to keep himself calm and straight but the woman in front of him still made him feel fuzzy.

"Um, yeah, I am actually." She said entering the elevator. They were on the third floor and she glimpsed at the button to the lobby, which wa already pressed, with its light brighting on. Lou stepped back standing by her side, both facing the door slowly closing.

In urge to break the silence Cath asked "So, what brought you into the lab?"

"Oh, I came in to grab some results from ballistics." He said pointing to the paperwork he was holding. Catherine looked at the folders Lou had under his arm and slowly shifted her eyes just in time to meet his. Time stayed still for a while. They stopped smiling but kept on starring for a couple of seconds that sure felt like and hour. They were brought to reality by the moment the lights on the ceiling started blinking, making them lose the eye contact, and soon making the elevator abruptly stop.

"Shit" Lou exclaimed as his files fell on the floor.

"This can't be happening" Catherine said in disbelief as she approached to the door. "We must be stuck between the first and second floor" she said looking back at Lou.

"This shouldn't take long until they fix it" he responded as he was still looking at her. He reached for the siren button and pressed it.

"I'll help you with these" Cath said as she crouched herself down, grabbing the mixed files. Lou did the same.

"That's fine, I can do it..." Lou spoke, not even looking at Cath, making her sent a bit of a harsh tone. She just nodded and started thinking about how embarrassing was this situation. She got up and pressed the red button again.

"I don't think this is even working." She stated.

By that time Lou was already done picking up the papers, leaving the pile on the elevator's corner.

He stood up and said while looking at the ceiling "well, the light is still on. It's probably just some malfunction problem." He tried pressing the buttons and none of them were working. "And these are certainly broken".

They were standing side by side even closer than before.

"So we're stuck here until someone notices we're missing." Cath's face was priceless. She couldn't believe in what was happening and why on Earth she had to be stuck with Lou.

"Yep." Lou said facing Catherine. He reached for his pants pocket, took his cellphone and instantly looked at it's screen "If we only had any signal on our phones..."


	2. Small Talk

**Chapter 2**

"... and so he brought this guinea pig with him, which was lost for days, and we ended up finding it in the dirty clothes pile." They were sat on the ground, across each other, so that they could face one another. Lou had just told Catherine that Jake had recently moved to Vegas and was currently living with him. The couple had so much to catch up and the dialogue between them was so natural. Cath couldn't stop laughing at Lou's stories with his son.

"You guys just can't be left alone! The dirty clothes pile? I mean, it sounds like the Everest or something!" She said bursting in to laugh.

"It does, yeah... but overall we're handling with the situation just fine." Lou responded, he loved hearing her laughter.

"That's good. I'm happy for you" Catherine replied but the grin on her face was gone and she felt like she should be honest with Lou. "It's nice to have someone to come home to... someone told me this a couple years ago. Only now I happen to find it is true."

Lou was surprised by her statement. It was him whom had told her that. He couldn't help but gaze Cath, every little freckle she had on her face, her blue eyes, all that he had held as a memory was now there in front of him. Her legs were crossed and her hand placed above her thighs. She was still wearing her blazer but she had taken off her heels. She glared the ground as Lou tried to examine her face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you in the spot..." Cath regret what she had said almost immediately. It's not that she would have done things differently because she knew she wasn't ready for any commitment back when they were together, but she has changed. Ever since she got back she felt different, and she missed something. She knew exactly what she needed but she was too proud to admit it. After all these years she had learned to be by herself... she just didn't know if she was really OK with it or if she just got used to feeling alone rather than broken-hearted by any man out there.

She felt uncomfortable and as an effort to revert the situation before their conversation became even more awkward. She cleared her throat and told him "it's hot in here, isn't it?" Lou was still blown away by what she'd just told him and now he couldn't help but keep starring at Cath as she managed to take off her white blazer. Her black shirt was perfectly showing her collarbone and her bare chest skin, matching with a tight pair of jeans.

Even though she wasn't trying to be flirtatious there were sparkles between them and Catherine soon noticed his look which made her think that probably taking her clothes off wasn't the best choice for the moment. "God, I'm only making it worse."

"I'm sorry, I didn't meant to... you know." Lou told her. "We've been there before... and I certainly learned my lesson." he finished.

"And what was that?" Catherine asked.

"Well, I shouldn't push things to happen I want them to..." he stopped.

"And? What?" Asked a curious Catherine.

"And that, sometimes, when you like someone you should let them go." It hurt him to say that, but it was the true and he had to let it out.

' _That's exactly what I thought when I realized that you deserved more._ ' Cath thought.

"I wish it didn't have to be so difficult for both of us." She said instead.

"Me too... I guess it just means we care about it." Lou's face showed how tired he was, physically and emotionally, this _thing_ betwen them still wiggle with his feelings

Cath, on the other hand, was radiant. He wish he could approach her and smell her scent, stroke her slightly curled strawberry hair and kiss her like he used to. He constantly blamed himself for their breakup, but decided eventually that backing off was his best option - and hardest as well. Perhaps he should give her some space after all.

Before any of them could say anything else the elevator started moving again, making the two stand up and grab their stuff. Soon the doors opened and they got out, still walking side to side.

For 20 minutes it felt like they were the only people in the universe and suddenly they were back to real life.

"It was nice seeing you, even under this circumstances." Lou broke the silence as they walked through the lab's lobby towards the front door. "I guess I'll see you around?"

"Yeah, you know where to find me." She answered.

"Sure, I'll just look for a broken elevator!" He said with a little humor. Catherine gave him a cheerful look followed by a shy laughter. She wasn't quite sure about how to say goodbye. She decided to stop walking, making him stop as well.

"I should go." She said looking straight at him.

It was cold, she knew. ' _Walk away, like nothing's happened'._ Catherine then started to move slowly towards the lab's exit leaving Lou behind.

She couldn't risk it again. She still remembered how good his kiss tasted, and how mindblowing was the sex. She recalled every single time they met, the times when they got out, but she was also aware of all of their fights. As much as she wanted to give it another try her sixth sense told her not to. ' _Why does it have to be so difficult for you Catherine?'_ She kept thinking. She'd just got back to Vegas and messing things up again wouldn't be a wise thing to do.


	3. Bumping Into Each Other

**Hi guys! I hope you're enjoying this fic just as much as I am…! I've been working on this chapter for a while now and so far I like where this story's heading, but I don't know how things are going to wrap up in the end. So, if you wanna be a part of it, sharing any thoughts or ideas, just leave a comment.** **Reviews are appreciated!**

It was a sunny Saturday morning in Las Vegas. The sun was shining through every window's blinds of Catherine's house. She always liked clarity filled rooms, so most part of the walls were painted white or pastel tones.

The bedroom, her favorite place, was just like that. It was clear and comfy, with a huge bed covered in pillows, and white curtains which were slightly transparent over the windows, so that every morning the sun rays were allowed to shine thru them. She gazed at the clock on her nightstand. It was 9:09am. She didn't to set an alarm since she wasn't on call the night before.

After weeks she was craving a glass of wine, and maybe - just maybe - she had had too much pinot noir on the night before. Precisely a whole bottle of it. Drinking has never been the solution to any problem, but it somehow made her think less about Vartann and their encounter on the beginning of the week.

The ritual of sitting in the bed and stretching had to be avoided. Catherine suddenly thought about how drinking such amount of wine was not something wise to do as her head was still spinning a little. It felt like the perfect idea to just lay there with her eyes closed, except for the constantly thinking about Lou part.

She was wearing nothing but a white nightgown, covered with her blankets, it was almost impossible to feel any comfier than that. And she felt good, which made her think that nothing would or could ruin this moment.

That was until her phone slightly vibrated beside the clock. Closing her eyes as an attempt to ignore it didn't work at all, as she heard it ringing once again. Sighting she reached for it and saw Greg's name across the screen. He left a message which said: 'The written case's statements are ready at the PD.' She had nearly forgot about it, as she tried to worry with other things on her night off. Right under that was another message also from Greg. 'Can you take it?'. She managed to text back a 'sure, no problem' text as slowly realized where she would have to go. And who she could eventually bump into in there.

In less than 40 minutes she was already sitting on her car, as she drove calmly to the Las Vegas Police Department. After a little thinking she eventually thought it was best to get it over as soon as possible. It was quite an effortless task to manage to get the papers and then handle them to Greg. She shouldn't make a big deal out of it, and most of all she shouldn't feel like a teenager with her hormones eliciting at any stimulus she wasn't able to wisely control. So after a quick shower she picked a black high heel, a pair of flare pants and a blouse, she a splashed her favorite perfume on her neck and went out. Not feeling in the mood to eat anything, stopping by some place in the way to grab a coffee would be better, anyway, she thought.

As Catherine parked her car outside on the LVPD parking lot a certain detective was kept busy on duty, listening to a suspect of murder in the interrogation room.

~.~

Lou was exhausted. Completely tired due to last night's events. He was assigned to a little girl's case, who was found dead at home. The main suspect, as led the evidence, was her stepfather. Lou managed to get a warrant intending to keep the man in observation. So far the interrogation hadn't helped at all, in fact only made Lou fell even worse and seriously disgusted by the case.

Besides those challenging and tough moments he really liked the job, and frankly, it seemed to be the only thing he was really good at. That is, other than ruining relationships. He felt overwhelmed not just by this case but also about his feelings, and the thought of not being able to control his emotions now knowing that a certain red haired CSI was back in town.

Realizing that he wasn't going to get a lot of information out of the suspect he decided to let it rest. He needed a coffee to help him stay unwinking on the evidence after all.

~.~

Cath made her way out of her car and after setting its alarm she went straight to the entrance door clicking her heels on the floor. She pushed the door open and her pace slowed a bit, her eyes wandered the office and soon found the receptionist's counter.

Her steps seemed to be in slow motion and it felt like the room was getting bigger, a certain resistance that got over her guts was suddenly explained as Lou approached her destination point. He handed a file to the woman in front of him and made a quick chat as he was given a pen and a paper, which he signed right away.

Catherine's arrival by the counter made her drift back from her thoughts.

"Hi, I'm Catherine Willows from the crime lab. I came to pick up the files for Greg Sanders" She told the woman. She could note with the corner of her eye how Lou gradually rose his sight from the papers he was signing to spot her.

"Sure, I'll get them for you, just a minute." The receptionist said.

"Personally picking up the paperwork?" He teased her. "That's dedication."

"Yeah, also known as Greg's delight on making me work on my days off!" She said with a waggish tone.

"Can't blame him." He said facing Cath. "Otherwise we wouldn't have met."

"Sure thing." Cath replied. "You look whacked." She couldn't help but notice his tired expression.

"Well, this case has worn me out. Really getting into me." Lou spoke.

"Wanna talk about it?" Cath felt bad for him. She knew how nasty some shifts could be and sometimes a little help and a friend's shoulder did great for a person's mental state.

"Nah. I'll just stick with a coffee in the break room. It's no big deal." He tried to soothe her down.

"Lou…" her hand grabbed his, resting their hold upon the counter. "It happens. The job can suck sometimes. It's just better to let it out... there's nothing wrong with not feeling fine all the time." He looked down and gazed her grip on his hand. He held her hand back and closed his eyes, feeling her skin against his and her scent, that already kinda make him feel better. She was important to him, and having her sympathy and her friendship after all meant a lot.

"I guess I'll be ok." He looked deeply into her eyes, which stared at him waiting what he had to say. "And you should enjoy your time off." He finished.

Catherine felt sad for a moment, part of herself wanted an excuse just to stay close to him and comfort him.

"Well, I haven't had breakfast yet." She said, not ready to quit it. "And I could really use some company." She smiled him as an invitation. Of course it would work, she knew how into her he was and denying a request like that was something almost impossible for him.

Lou laughed and looked away, even though he tried to play a little hard to get not wanting to bother her with work, he's always been too proud to admit any weakness. Despite that, if he wasn't on such a crappy day and if Catherine Willows hadn't offered such an irrefutable coffee break he wouldn't have said "Alright… Just tell me where and I'll meet you in 10?"

Before Cath could answear the receptionist went out of a room beside the desk and came back bringing Catherine a briefcase.

"There you go." She said, putting the files upon the desk. Catherine reached for them and mumbled a 'thank you' for the woman in front of her.

She faced Lou and simply told him "Nah, let's go now. Together." As much as he tried not be involved it was impossible to resist her charm.

"Alright!" He nodded in consentment.

"I'm driving!" She turned her back and made her way out of the police station. Lou handed over the paper he signed to the receptionist and followed Cath with the biggest grin on his face.


End file.
